Today's been a day of a big low, and a great break with neighbourhood friends this evening.
I may as well start with the low. What happened could be a Seinfeld episode - I finish my last interview for The 155 Podcast. The interview is recorded in my office, and when I finish, I immediately disconnect the audio recorder, and walk over to where my old laptop is on the counter at the front of Seedworks.
There, I open the SD slot cover, and unexpectedly, the SD card adapter ejects. The microSD card flies out, and in a one-in-a-million chance, the microSD card perfectly glides in a small crevice between the floor boards, and it's gone.
What are the odds that upon opening the SD slot cover, the adapter card would fling open, the microSD card would eject, and then fly straight into the gap of the floorboards and into the huge space between the exterior of the building and the old floor underneath?
I'm left with the explanation of "I can't even".
There were only four interviews on the microSD, and I'm sure I can get the four candidates to redo their interviews. While it bothers me that this does unbalance the experience for mayoral candidates, that's not the reason for the low I felt when it happened.
I was demoralized, really demoralized when it happened. Why such an emotional response within myself?
I suspect it was just the bad luck of it all, there's no way I could've predicted the event, and what are the odds? I did momentarily think about how I could've done backup recordings on a second device while recording, but again, who could've predicted. That's the most likely reason.
But there was also the disappointment that after 102 or 103 interviews, I had the opportunity for a milestone literally slip between the cracks. To be able to say I was done the interview phrase was to be something to celebrate.
It was also something for me to hitch my rational mind to as I contain a series of anxieties.
It's been an interesting couple of weeks, and an anxious few weeks - nothing in particular, and all of the anxious is being overcome by my rational mind. Nonetheless, a lifetime of struggle and a history of losing everything just at the moment when I finally achieve the success and stability I'm working hard towards, means that my anxiety levels are higher than normal.
I'm close right now to finally making The Public Record sustainable, my personal life is nearly balanced. It's just that moment where I'm about to finally start having a day off, going out socializing, reconnecting with friends, and academically expanding myself again. (I'm already reconnecting with friends)